Anecdotal Evidence

What works for you fails for me

The odds are stacked against me. But I am not a statistic.

Diliny M. De Alwis

13 Nov 2024 — 5 min read

Photo by Jeff Cadestin on Unsplash

Life

What works for you fails for me

The odds are stacked against me. But I am not a statistic.

“Try to come in two to three days weekly to build strength,” the trainer said.

“I just need longer to recover,” she said.

“You just need to eat more protein,” the trainer coached.

“I understand that, but if I feel like I need five days to recover — I’m going to take those five days,” she replied.

“Then don’t expect to get strong fast,” the trainer said.

“I don’t,” I replied.

My trainer is running a business. She needs people to show up 2–3 times a week for her business model. This gives her a steady income stream to keep the lights on and the rent paid while providing high support to men and women on their fitness journey. She runs a strength training gym. Mobility is a side effect of getting strong. Her clientele has been with her for years. She’s got years and years of experience.

I’m no fitness trainer. I’m a former scientist turned product person, an avid reader of the latest health & fitness trends, and one listening to podcasts like Andrew Huberman. I know me. I know my body. I know what drives me.

I’m NO athlete.

There was a time when I dreamed of earning a calisthetics performative body. I bought the books. I followed videos. I joined the gym. I did body weight exercise. I’d hang myself from the monkey bars at the park. I tried parkour. I couldn’t do it. I’m not built for it. I’m not lithe like my 20-something self. Plus, with the babies came more body weight—shingles, sprained ankle, impinged shoulder, drop-foot, weak knees, and overactive traps.

I’m not going to win this game.

I’ve rejected a lot of concepts. I’ve adopted many as well. I’m a veteran who has learned to shoot one way and walk another. I’ve been incredibly fit at times, and I’m defeated by perimenopause and post-pregnancy recovery.

On Protein, a rant…

I’m not trying to spoil my chance of living my life. I’m not going to die at the bottom of a protein shake. I reject and refuse to think that this should be normal. I eat a ton of eggs, chicken, pork, and lamb. I eat all my veggies, nuts, and seeds. I could probably use more fruit.

Does the weight of my partner drop? Yup.

Are my kids fit? Yup.

Do I lose weight? Nope.

My trainer’s goal is to help me build my strength. She means well.

My goal is mobility and comfort.

Feeling sore 2–5 days post-workout diminishes my ability to perform. Ya, I eat the protein. No, it makes zero difference when DOMs hit.

What happens when the body is in recovery and sore?

I was 205 lbs when I started going to the gym. I would attend 2–3 times per week. My body weight swelled to 220 lbs. When I say swelled, I mean that this was water retention. I'm still holding on to the soreness after five days. I couldn’t sleep without taking pain meds or applying muscle creams. This began happening after every workout. If it were legs day, my legs would still be sore when I did arms day. At some point, everything hurt.

I kept going to the gym as the cure. I kept moving. I kept walking my dogs. I kept carrying groceries. I stretched religiously. I drank electrolytes. I ate my damned protein.

My sleep was good, but then it got bad. I’d go for a massage. My sleep would be good again until it got bad again. Through all of this, I had some indicators of progress.

I was stronger. I had increased endurance.

But oh, was I sore. Also, my body looked like I was obese like I’m a woman’s size 14, but I was bloated into 16–18 territory.

What do we need to recover?

Sleep
Food and water
Full rest days off from exercise
Keep away from too many stressors. (I’ll get back to this.)

What happens if we don’t recover?

Injury and burnout
The parasympathetic response of the body fails to kick in.

Signs of overwork

Extended muscle soreness
Decreased immune response
Constant fatigue, irritability, low energy
Hitting performance plateaus or declines

Age and Perimenopause

My friend’s knees gave out on her while walking between her car and her house. Perimenopause is defined as many things. For the intense purpose of this article, I will explain it as the body switching from one set of hormones (high octane) to a different set of hormones (low octane). In the process, the body trips and fails.

Much of the difficulty in recovering from my workouts could be attributed to perimenopause. There is a heightened sensitivity to stress. The parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest) is turned off for many women in this era. We’ve got our cell phones, world politics, the stressors of a job and busy family life, or simply being told we’re not enough at every stage of life — to blame. We’re not taught to manage our stress at a young age. It builds up in the body. The body knows…. it keeps score.

Before Perimenopause or just as it hits, too many women experience panic attacks, are diagnosed with ADHD, or are put on medication for anti-depression, or you name it.

For me, perimenopause has been flavoured with an ineptitude for handling cortisol. I have a cortisol belly. I get riled up and stressed at numerous things (though I may seem outwardly calm to most people).

Additional Stressors

My reactive husband
My narcissistic mother
My senior father
My gifted son
My precocious daughter

How I stress myself out:

Perfectionist
Need to please
Conformist
Workaholic

Add to this working on a series of novels and the sheer load of rejection one faces in the attempt to publish traditionally.

I can never sleep in. I can seldom go to bed early. I often don’t have control over when and what I eat. The mess of living surrounds me. My kids, my husband, extended family and friends, my pets, work, and all the other drivers in life affect me. I am not a statistic. I live surrounded by chaos, and I like it that way.

My Salvation

I had the epiphany: my body prefers fasting to fuelling.

This has helped me essentially accept and overcome many of the perimenopausal symptoms plaguing my system. This also pushes my body to stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system. I am calm while in a fasted state. My body feels less inflammatory in this state as well.

This goes against the advice of my trainer: eat more protein.

I have chosen acceptance.

I will be overweight. I will have belly fat. I will be immobile. I will grow old, lose flexibility, and lose muscle. My mind will slow down. I will go through menopause. My body will slowly shrink. My strength will fail. I will get sick. I will… die.