Playing the Game… of Life.
Rise above the noise, setbacks, and limiting beliefs that hold us back.
Mindset
Playing the Game… of Life.
When life gets busy and stressed, do my needs become secondary? If I’m not a contributing breadwinner to my family, how can I add value to my household? What if meeting my family's needs directly conflicts with my need to become a breadwinner?
For those of you without a medium account, here’s my friend link.
The Stakes
The Kids
Many years ago, I wrote a series of articles on motherhood:
I did not write about working full-time with three kids. I didn’t need to. It’s an extension of life with two kids.
The Job
I spent the first six years of my third child’s life working. During that time, I started to question why I was striving so hard and whether or not achieving the role of a lifetime was worth the effort. I landed my first and only Director of Product role.
I believe I did well. Yet, some nagging feeling hounded me that this was not enough. I did not feel fulfilled.
When the IT industry took its downturn, I was one of the many who lost their jobs. I tried a job coaching other product managers, and that suited me well until it dried up. I would have to hustle and grind to succeed. I wasn’t having it.
If finances were becoming tight for me — someone who had recently held a six-figure job and shared income with an equally successful spouse — how could I make ends meet by hustling and grinding others into the role that left me so unfulfilled?
I became an author who moonlights as a feral housewife—someone who drops and picks up her kids, cooks, cleans and does an assortment of duties that previously I had hired help to do. I’ve always been my family's cook, laundress, and catch-all. It is easy to wonder what value I am adding as I’ve always done these things.
Taking the step backward was strange but not new. This summer, our needs are few. With the kids aged 13 to 6, summertime equates to fewer camps as mom is home to watch them.
While school is in session, I have a 30-hour writing week. I finished multiple drafts of the first novel of a series and began writing the second. Then, the kids came home for the summer holidays.
Overnight, I lost my 30-hour work week.
The noise
- French & UK Elections | Drama in Canada | Biden and Trump | Beryl and the Environment.
- There is SO MUCH content that I could consume on YouTube. I love to learn about new things. Shows to watch: My Lady Jane & Julia.
Setbacks & Silver Linings
- Kids are home, attached at the hip sometimes — downtime while keeping them amused, an excuse to take a little holiday from striving.
- Rejections of short stories submitted to literary magazines — I got feedback on my writing!
- Harsh feedback from critics is a gut punch — the objectivity and drive to rethink and revise.
- Visitors in August, even less time for myself — I get to see my sister and nieces!
Limiting Beliefs
- I need to put the needs of the family first.
- I need to prove my value as the dependent parent.
- I can’t get ahead of what I must do while looking after my family.
- I must put my needs on hold until September.
- I’m a terrible author; my work is horrible, and no one will ever publish it. Why am I even trying?
Pulling Facts from Fiction
I chose this life.
I negotiated with my partner to remain unemployed because it made his commitment to his career easier. He can focus while I am running after the kids, pets, and guests. Previously, our partnership was under strain due to juggling these activities and inadequate communication. My not working has drastically improved our quality of life.
My kids are older and less demanding than they were even last year.
Looking after them is a piece of cake. I often find an hour or two to sneak off and work on my writing. If I am not writing, it is because I am allowing myself to walk into the abyss that is social media or streaming video.
Evidence of my writing ability
Feedback is subjective. I keep repeating this to myself. More importantly, the fulfilment I feel for having completed a chapter or short story outweighs anything anyone can tell me about how good or bad I am. With every word written, I become better at my craft. With every objective digestion of feedback, I understand the needs of my readers better. I will conquer this dragon; give me time.
Playing the Game of Life
It’s essential to take risks. When challenged, we feel like we’re living. My challenge is with the unknown. I am racing against my attention span and my age. I’m challenging myself to show up with confidence.
I’ve embraced this crazy life and asked the kids to stay home with me. Instead of a 30-hour workweek, I may have a 5–10-hour/week window to complete my revisions. Come September, I will go back to my usual routine. Until then, I should lean into it. Find ways to reduce social media and brain-numbing doom scrolling and instead enjoy the company and attention of my kids.
The unspoken doubts are that I’m not good enough, will not succeed in my current venture, and will be mediocre. So, what if I am? At least I tried. At least I enjoyed the journey and gave it my best… and yes, my best is 10 hours or whatever few minutes I can sneak in. Sometimes, all we have is a trickle of time. Whatever I have, I’ll take it.
