(ADHD x Perimenopause)² - The Productivity Paradox
My daughter's birthday, a contract with an illustrator, and waiting on editorial review- these are but a few of the distractions that derailed my productivity in May and we're only halfway through!
ADHD manifests in strange ways. Paired with perimenopause, it makes for a super-efficient individual with Amelia Bedelia tendencies.
Exhibit A - The Deficit
My mistakes
I published an Instagram announcement for my podcast only to realize I had misread the scheduled dates. I could have sworn I had cross-checked these days. Here they are:
So when Instagram user @jeremybruceadams (rightly) messaged asking when the podcast content would go live, I had to double down and change all of my release dates.
Exhibit B - The Hyperfocus
My achievements
- Four episodes of the podcast, including one short.
- Blog posts to accompany the podcast episodes.
- A 2nd week newsletter for The Erudite Bookworm.
- Two weeks of planning and execution of one birthday party for a seven-year-old.
- Watching the Canadian elections and not caring about what I say on social media (dmdealwis on Bluesky and Threads). I lived on social media for at least three days in May. Follow that up with Carney's meeting with the White House, and you have a whole week! When did Canadian (and Aussie) politics become so interesting?
- Spring arrived in Canada. After a long, dragged-out winter, spring arrived within a week, and I had much planting, weeding, and hefting to do in our backyard. Having 15 seven-year-olds run amuck means making sure all the mess left by the lack of fall cleanup needs to be sorted within three days.
- Volunteer for a Grade 1 field trip to Legoland
- Signed contract with an illustrator for a middle grade book, independently published through Ahasae Tharu.
Exhibit C - The Avoidance
My distractions
I tried to read a book, Rotten Gods. Got about 40% through before my daughter's birthday derailed me. I still have hope.
In the meantime, when the body slowed down, I took to watching Andor on Disney+. Ok, I admit to cancelling Disney+ in the name of the Canadian-USA trade war. I put the membership on hold. I held off for three months before succumbing to the need to watch the latest Doctor Who. Both shows did not disappoint. I will likely put my membership on hold again once they run out of episodes.
Moana 2 was surprisingly appealing. Kudos to the artist who drew Moana's little sister. That she now has demi-powers had me thinking about my work and its appeal.
I continue to schedule my work around social interactions. Yes, I will drop everything to have a coffee or tea with you.
Exhibit D - The Body Keeps Score
My limitations
Hauling compost and pots, walking 20K for days, and spending hours on a device... all take their toll.
First the eyesight starts to fail. So, I felt good spending a few days away from the devices. Then the joints and muscles reminded me that I am becoming old very quickly. Lying on the couch watching TV does not help. Perimenopause sends hormones racing, and I am equally hot and cold. It hurt to haul the heavy comforter off my bed and replace it with our summer covers.
Moving hurts. But I must move. I keep up the walking. I maintain the intention of moving when given the choice between being sedentary and being active. If I keep moving, my joints won't freeze up. This, too, will pass, I tell myself.
When I go to bed, my head hits the pillow, and my eyes open when the younger dog begins her morning howling session. She wants out. I want peace. Our relationship is complicated. Funny how I desire a mechanism to unlock her cage at a set time as opposed to a mechanism that would deliver electric shocks when she whimpers and howls for no reason except that she's a wake, it's morning, and she wants out.
I want out. Out of this cycle of degradation.
Conclusion
The mistakes were not too bad or irredeemable. The one big mistake not mentioned above is not writing. I may have written a paragraph or two, but when I weigh my accomplishments against what I did not do, this list is sufficient for me to let it go.
Fiction: 'Writer's block' is an inverse relation to wanting to see the editorial review of my first book to improve the first draft. (The stories we tell ourselves to rationalize our behaviour.)
Fact: I do not have the mental, physical, and deterministic capability to put myself in the author's seat at present. There was too much going on.
I have, as usual, done just enough to get by and feel good. I am a good mother, a good daughter, a good wife, and a good marketer. I continue to strive, and hopefully, the writing will soon shift back into the forefront. Especially now that I've found my groove with podcasting.
-D.M. De Alwis
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D.M. De Alwis
