Receiving Feedback for my novel and short stories
Breaking through the 4th wall with version 5.0 of my manuscript.
Author Life
Receiving Feedback for my novel and short stories
In this article, I will discuss my experience with agent feedback, my mindset on subjectivity and rejections, and my recent submissions to literary publications.
All agent feedback is subjective. Repeat. All agent feedback is subjective. This is the express opinion of that agent or agency. Remember, we are all human. We are fallible. We are subject to what we know and our perceptions of things.
Agent feedback on a Query for PAWN OF SAMSARA (Fantasy Novel)
Even though we loved the intriguing world of this story and enjoyed many of the character interactions, the narrative fell heavy on dialogue at times, leaving us craving more sensory descriptions, subtext, and emotions from the characters. We are so sorry to say that because of these reasons, we weren’t able to connect with the manuscript as much as we had hoped in order to fully champion the project.
With the critical filter of looking for ‘sensory descriptions, subtext, and emotion from the characters’ — I re-read the first five pages. Huh. I can see how they may feel this scaffold isn’t fully fledged. I could tweak things a little. From my experience reading Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman, and other dialogue-heavy authors, I know that the words I’ve written can work. I’m not convinced I will or won’t.
Let me return to that ‘subjective’ term that I like to remind myself of when receiving feedback.
They’re judging five pages of my text. There are subtle reasons why the characters have been intentionally left ‘blank.’
The following feels ‘defensive’ of me.
- Banchic is a child. I wrote him thinking of my eldest son. While he has opinions, he is polite. He has a work ethic. He is focused and determined. His mind is quiet. If I ask him what he’s thinking, he’s now thinking about my question. He is very in the moment present.
- Sinha is a cat in the early chapters. We don’t hear from him until later.
- An old deity interacts with Sinha and Banchic in these early pages. I was inspired by old uncles who tell long-winded stories that you politely sit through listening and waiting to go run back to your video games. Just nod and don’t say a word, or you’ll be here for a century!
- Part of my goal in this first chapter is to set the stage with showing and not telling. I introduce an emotional scene that shows our protagonist in his lion-headed warrior form. This is what will come. In the meantime, the reader must read about a human child who, amid morning chores, must wait on an elderly deity who appears out of nowhere. Take home message: This is a world where the gods hold sway. While the basic needs of mortals are met, the gods do not hear what they want.
Someone from a Western and Christian mindset may be hard-pressed to recognize this situation, whereas those born of Eastern descent would find it all too familiar. Without having an agent or editor sitting across the table from me to hear these cultural rationales AND without hearing the agent or editor pinpoint where I lost them, I would be playing a guessing game to identify and fix the issue.
Decision: Hold off until I get a subsequent beta or more direct feedback from an agent. The minor edits I could do alone to fine-tune won’t be significant enough to resubmit.
For my journey of receiving feedback that led to major revisions, see Clearer Plot Points, Obstacles, and Characters’ Attempts to Overcome.
Diliny M. De Alwis
Editor feedback on THE LAMENT OF SAOIRSE (Fantasy, Short story)
This feedback made my week. This is a story set in Ireland featuring the Aughisky. It’s a prequel to my work in progress — ISLE OF DEMONS. The backstory for Conor and Nolan explains Conor’s relationship with Eric and what happened to Nolan’s mother.
Thanks very much for sending this story to Beneath Ceaseless Skies. Unfortunately, it’s not quite right for us. Although we very much admired the richly evocative worldbuilding woven throughout this graceful piece, overall we felt that the narrative tone and subject matter were more ‘fable-esque’ than we are looking for.
We appreciate your interest in our magazine. Please feel free to submit other work in the future.
I read the submission guidelines, but like with literary agents, there’s a subjective line in determining where your piece will fit. I appreciated the editor’s clear feedback.
I’m also reminded that the writing I did for PAWN OF SAMSARA came before the writing I did for THE LAMENT OF SAOIRSE. I’m getting better at my craft. Keep going. Keep writing. Keep getting better.
I turned around and submitted the piece to Clarksworld, my 2nd choice.
Here’s an image of text from Clarksworld Literary Publication’s submission page. It reads:
Science fiction need not be “hard” SF, but rigor is appreciated. Fantasy can be folkloric, contemporary, surreal, etc. Though no particular setting, theme, or plot is anathema to us, the following are likely hard sells:” Somewhere down the list is the line item, “talking cats or swords.”
While THE LAMENT OF SAOIRSE does not have anything on that list. I have read fantastic work by Mercedes Lackey that involves a talking sword and talking cats. I resent these lists even if they are familiar tropes. Sometimes, stories happen, and the author has little control over the trope used.
Diliny M. De Alwis
Who are we writing the stories for?
Do we write the stories for the publication|editor|public|agent, or do we write the stories for ourselves?
Always. We write the stories for ourselves. If I can’t enjoy the story I’m writing, it’s not worth telling. I’m my primary audience. — D.M. De Alwis
My secondary audience is my readers. It's not my writing circle of budding authors of various genres. Not potential agents, editors, etc. My readers are not literary; they don’t hold an MFA.
Tolkien wasn’t trying to be Tolkien. Pratchett wasn’t trying to be Pratchett.
Coming up next time
I have a new Beta Reader who just contacted me to ask when we can sync up so I can receive his feedback on the MS for PAWN OF SAMSARA (version 5.0).
After this meeting, YES, revisions may come to PAWN OF SAMSARA, and YES, I will consider all of the above in my rewrite
-D.M. De Alwis
